Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
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