so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
