Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So much rum. So many feels.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
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