i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
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