dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
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