just won 30 on black! Ok adicteddd! Never coming back gqmbeqing is easy.
now my debit card is betting 1k whoops. im gongk eh be rich!!!
whoops didnt work. think the gambeli mashine is busters!! now im betting 2k?! bad idea?
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
Randomize
