Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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