Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
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