Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
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