??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
My penis needs a shock collar
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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