i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
Randomize
