all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
Randomize
