I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
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