I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
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