Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
Randomize
