just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Randomize
