your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
It's never too late to be topless.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
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