Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
