i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
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