blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
