I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
