I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
