got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize
