Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
I am midnight drunk by noon
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
My vagina just clenched in fear
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
