I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
