i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
Randomize
