I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Randomize
