She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
Randomize
