So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
jump out the window naked night went bad
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