They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
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