I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
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