Just took my morning after pill in the library
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
Randomize
