It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Randomize