ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
Where are you???
With some dude on the way to his house to blaze
You went back to a stranger's house????
He isn't a stranger...he used to be on kids, inc.
I love LA.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
Randomize
