Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
I have feelings that need drinking.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
Randomize
