why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
