And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
Randomize
