I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
Randomize
