so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
