so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Randomize
