I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
Randomize
