pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
