i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
he had hair everywhere except his balls
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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