ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
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