he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
