During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
it was like eating out sand paper
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
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