I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
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