wake up i wanna do it froggy style
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
True strength comes from lack of pants
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Randomize
