That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize
