Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
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