I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
Randomize
