It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
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