I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
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