There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
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