we have officially lost it.
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
Randomize
