you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
