Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
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