Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
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