just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Randomize
