We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
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