i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
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