this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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