then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
