then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
I got her a Nickelback box set.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
