Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Randomize
