I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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